Saturday, November 14, 2009

it always leaves me very upset after meeting her like this..it's like there's nothing i can do for her..i just couldnt understand why her gf just dunno how to treasure such a gd gf like her..i could feel how upset she is, i knew she would haf needed the cigarettes that's why i went to buy when well i was too much in a gd mood to need any anyway..maybe i'm just being sensitive, but somehow i felt coz she needed the time n space alone, that's y she called her frd down just to send me home..d look on her face just as we separated, i caught a glimpse of it..the troubled & serious looking face..all the laughing & teasing abt how noob i was with cigarettes it was all just a cover up..dunno why it kinds of pains me to see that..d rain's gd though, even thou she was complaining abt how cold it'll be to ride home..things might be fine later but a part of me just can't help but to worry..

today's supposedly a super happy day for me..yet towards d night things just took a totally different path..i wonder izzit really karma, like wad bimbi said..somehow her description of feeling as if we've just broke up with our partner aft a 8yrs relationship just couldnt get out of my system..

meeting up wif her makes me feel guilty agn..though nt as strongly as previously..coz i could see it fm her pt of view and feel the heart ache..yet no one probably realized that it seems even harder to pull myself away now..dist probably, absolute cut off? i dun think so..coz now it seems or rather it feels that i'm getting to know her better..something i've always wanted in the past but couldnt have it..what excatly is this thing call fate?

i think i need smth to cheer myself up..i shall watch some videos =p anw 1st time riding on a sports bike under the rain felt great =D didnt expect it to feel to stable..neither did i notice how narrow her shoulder is actually =) there's just smth abt her tt makes me want to be there for her even though i'm of no help..such feeling is almost similar to tt towards my besties..but for my besties n jiemei, i wonder how long can we last..it's d 1st time i actually acknowledge this fear..and the feeling sucks..

digressing a bit, was surprised that she bought that huge baby tasmania for herself..tt was my intended b'day gift for her..haha..though it's still quite some time away..suddenly feel like drinking wine =p oh yea have the desire to go overseas..to find ping and xinle next yr..but.....think i'll be too broke to do that =(

Will you ever notice me...

sighs before i know it, the sem's almost over..half a yr gone, again, like that.....dun even know what i'm doin, just noe it's dang hectic n yea stressed..realised haven met any1 except besties n jie mei at all since sem started..super sad..think this's the 1st time i nv meet up wif any1 in the clique durin sch term at all =(( finally met up wif elda aft like 6mths???? gotten back 'my sister's keeper' & mp3! (way belated 21st bd present =p) wanna meet up wif fenny they all for girls outing or even play vball! nw le's nt ard, sighs less motivation to go supper w d 6k'ers =/ wanna find time to meet up w shayne as well..n waiting for dumb ass to find time to meet me..hmmm oso wanna meet cel, but think cmi again...oh wells, she just makes me worry half d time tsk tsk..thinkin of her makes me crave for chilli crab wif man tou! hahaa..so sad cant leave d country! think d freshies will b organizin trip to msia agn =( oh n i wanna go bintan lagoon! hahaa..if only i can try out the ball thing (which means i cn experience being a hamster for once =P) speaking of my hamsters, it's a miracle that dazzle the hamster's still alive after carrying a humongeous tumor 1/3 the size of her body aft like 6mths?? hmmm, thou i noe she'll die soon, but hurr..dun look forward to it at all!

hmmm needa find time this wk to go for xray too....

had jap oral n listening exam today..amari yokunakatta desu ne =/ too nervous..but shld b fine overall i think..after exams i wanna go play boardgame! but who??? n i wan to play mj for fun too..oh n also club a little bit =p afterall i haven seen hw's play's really like on thurs..sighs n bcoz of all d deadlines nv get to go nite safari for halloween =(((

aint looking forward to dance camp seriously =( in short i'm lazy bones..hahs..and i need ad hoc jobs!!! args...next sem is goin to b a real lonely sem =/ i miss all my frds! MAJORLY =s time to do tutorial, sucks..